Simple bliss.
Just this once, before the year comes to an end and so does everything else in my life.

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Everything seems to change with time.
I miss so many things.
I guess like they say, good things never last.

Where did they go? ☹

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I stayed up since 12, (it’s almost 6 am now) to try to finish something which holds value to me.

Well if you ask me what’s the significance of this, since I’ve already finished exams (and hellyeahhhhh to that!!!) I’d tell you this:

When everything feels wrong, it should affect your mood right? Especially when what you’re doing associates deeply with your feelings and emotions.

In my context, yes it affected my mood, I wanna give up, I just “wanna fly to some place foreign”, basically feeling like asdfghkl. As lazy as I already am, now I lack of ALL motivation.

Here’s the crazy (or amusing OR silly) part :

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I STILL DO IT.

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Anyhow, I realized it always boils down to TWO things.

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1) REASON over EMOTION

2) YOU MAKE THE CHOICE

In every situation and circumstance, these two things seem to play a huge role don’t you think?

Alright. Time to repay my sleep and breathing debt again. ciao

I realize my older posts are all very emo. Haha that’s a pattern I guess, cause everytime I blog is when I have pent up emotions that I can’t wait to vent, and vent I shall, on a nonliving blog. (a living blog is where there are ppl actually reading the blog)

At the same time I feel like deleting all my previous posts because they sound rather silly. And so horribly sad for some reason? I can’t remember what triggered my emotions so badly during those times I blogged.

That’s besides the point. This time round, my post will not be anything emo nemo. But it will be a result of pent up frustration. Haha. I’d actually rather be frustrated than sad.

So why am I frustrated?

1) Exams, assignments, projects
I’m still trying to adapt to the new educational lifestyle I have in poly, but I tell you, its way more stressful than secondary school. I feel like I’m repeating the last few weeks prior to O levels again and again. It’s completing assignments, mugging for CAs, rushing project submissions, that’s different, but they’re so damn tiring and time consuming. Desperate as I am, I took some time off in the midst of this hectic poly life. Yes I flew to Phuket for a short 3 day 2 night vacation. Hehe. But it’s worthwhile after all, considering the fact that the short holiday gave me what I really needed – leisure, shopping, fun activities. Yey the thought makes me happy… Until I remember why I am so frustrated again. Which leads me to my second reason.

2) Personal life
And again, in this aspect, I’m not depressed or anything, it’s more of mere F R U S T R A T I O N. It’s so hard being me. Reckon it’s the same for you too. I’m darn young still, but whatever happens I know I have to face consequences for the decisions I choose to make. No guys I didn’t do any bad things like crime. I just have problems with my interpersonal needs and prioritizing them. You see Maslow’s hierarchy of interpersonal needs (holy shit I’m actually applying my knowledge on ICP here) states that the five basic needs are 1) Physiological which means breathing, food, sleep etc 2) Security which means familial security, health security, financial security, security in resources etc 3) Love/Belonging (needless for further explanation) and 4) Esteem which refers to self-worth, self-respect, social recognition, respect from others, achievements etc and lastly 5) Self actualization.

Why did I just brilliantly conjure up a scientific pyramid of interpersonal needs?

Because every single one of them are not met. Not even close. Ok maybe just the first. Nuff said. The examples I give are a real life list of problems. Or to be exact, the things that are absent in my life? Yeah, apparently I cannot breathe (as a result of excessive hyperventilation) and sleep properly too. Ha. Kidding. But no seriously, I am deprived.

Okay so that’s all I’m saying, no more self disclosure!

Basically, I am frustrated and annoyed because they are so ever present in my life right now and I’m struggling to prioritize which should come first. Yes, I know, breathing first.

Good thing is, I think I’m beginning to grow from an adolescent to an adult. Mentally and emotionally…just not physically. After a short break I had, I felt multiple hard knocks to my head, and that was when I saw things from a totally different perspective. I guess you can say I should be thankful because it is a rather big feat to change your mindset, beliefs, attitudes, and personality overnight. Or perhaps over a fortnight.

I’m more in control now but also very new to it. So the frustration grows from all of these instead of sadness, as I continue to maintain these problems and not let them control my emotional fix. Logic vs sentiment.

Anyway after my final exam on Tuesday, I’m gonna have fun and seriously do some crazy shit for 8 weeks straight. (finally an advantage to poly life)

Right now, I’m gonna repay my sleep (and breathing) debt.

Wish me luck. Heh goodnight
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All I remember is that every night I close my eyes, I just wanna escape to some place far away. Far away from home, far far away from Singapore. I don’t find comfort and solace in this place called home. I can’t feel anything here. Funny thing is, I feel the same when I go to school. I am just going through the motions of life; I’m not living at all. I don’t find any purpose in doing things, my sleeping habits are getting worse probably cause of the anxieties I feel at night.

Studying and completing my projects day and night is a dread. After I complete them, I still do not feel a sense of fulfilment like I would in the past.

This is the first I have experienced. Never have I felt such intense sentiments at night. It has been going on for months but today I feel most affected by it. I can’t seem to release this dull misery, mainly because my circumstances do not see fit; it is impossible for me to ride through this alone.

If this drags on, I will need a remedy like a getaway.

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Who wants to run away with me?

- runawaytrain

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me. you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?

It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.

Now we exchange numbers but text instead of calling because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.

Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?

There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. there is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s car.

Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. in some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: You are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored. Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see.

But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.

We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say,

“This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

- Ashton Kutcher